If you’re the parent of a toddler, chances are you’ve seen your fair share of temper tantrums, dealt with hitting or biting, or gotten into power struggles with your child.

While the toddler years are a wonderful time of exploration and development, they also can be trying on parents or caregivers.

One minute your child is being oh-so-sweet and angelic and the next they’re throwing a fit in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

Let’s tackle 5 tricky (but common) toddler behaviors and gain insight into why they occur.

Why Does My Toddler Throw Temper Tantrums?

Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. They’re your two- or three-year-old’s way of expressing big emotions they’re unable to regulate. Young children are not able to express frustration, anxiety, or anger the way older children or adults can because their brains are still immature.

It’s normal for toddlers to throw tantrums because they haven’t yet learned the ins and outs of:(2)

Impulse control
Communicating their needs or wants
Self-soothing
Delaying gratification
Problem solving
Navigating situations with appropriate responses

The good news is, by age three and a half, most children have few or no tantrums.(1)

There’s no such thing as a “tantrum disorder.”(2) But frequent or persistent tantrums may be an indication of a larger issue that needs to be addressed. Children with ADHD are particularly prone to outbursts or meltdowns because they struggle with poor impulse control and being bored.(2) A recent study showed that over 75% of children who had severe temper outbursts also fit the criteria for ADHD.(2) Children with autism or anxiety may struggle with unexpected changes or unfamiliar situations and have a tantrum as a result.(2) And children with sensory processing issues may have a tantrum if they are experiencing sensory overload.(2) Depression or undiagnosed learning disorders could also be contributing factors to children throwing tantrums.(2)

Emotion-regulation is a skill children need to be taught, just like problem-solving or communicating their needs.

And when a child can’t emotionally regulate, a tantrum, or two other common toddler behaviors, may ensue.

Why Does My Toddler Bite and Hit?

It may surprise you to learn that biting is a common behavior among toddlers. It typically happens when a child is trying to communicate a need or cope with a difficult emotion. For example, your toddler may become frustrated or mad when a sibling takes his toy. He needs to self-regulate and cope with the anger and frustration but doesn’t know how, so biting ensues.

A Few Reasons Toddlers May Bite or Hit:

They are still developing their impulse control skills
They don’t yet know how to delay gratification
They’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to regulate themselves
They lack the skills to communicate their strong feelings with words
They don’t understand what constitutes an appropriate response to dealing with a challenge

On episode 13 of Genius Little Minds, I give some tips for things you can do and say when your child has bitten another child. Check out the podcast episode here.

Why Does My Toddler Refuse to Share?

Sharing is tough! Even for adults, it’s sometimes difficult.

It’s not very realistic to expect your 2-year-old to be a competent sharer. They’re just too young to grasp the concept. They’re also lacking language skills to express themselves fully, so they often can’t explain why they just don’t want toshare.

So if your young toddler hasn’t yet mastered the art of sharing, don’t sweat it. This skill doesn’t develop until a child is about 3 and a half or 4 years old.(5)

Sharing is a learned skill, so talking about it (without imposing unrealistic expectation that it will happen overnight) can be helpful. Try pointing out moments in your daily life when sharing occurs, like when you share your food with your spouse or take turns using an electronic device.

Why Is My Toddler Not Seeking Independence?

You’ve probably heard that two-year-olds have a lot of opinions. After all, everyone says they love the word “no”, want to dress themselves and try new things. But what if your child doesn’t fit that description?

Of course as a parent, you play a huge role in your child’s life. Your behaviors and parenting style have a huge impact on how your child acts and interacts with the world.

Now I’m not here to shame anyone’s parenting... I know everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources available to them. But there are two parenting styles that can either encourage the development of autonomy or hinder it.

Autonomy Supporting Parenting

Also know as Autonomy Granting Parenting, Autonomy Supporting Parenting encourages independence in ways that are gentle and appropriate.(4)

Children with Autonomy Supporting parents are allowed to explore new, non-threatening situations without interference. (4) This teaches them independence and the idea that it’s OK to be themselves.

Protective Parenting

Protective Parenting is “the broad restriction of a child’s autonomy.”(4) And it “can increase the risk of child anxiety development.”(4)

To some degree, every parent is protective of their children. But Protective Parenting can interfere with a child’s discovery or the magical world of autonomy. It can hinder independent exploration and reduce their confidence.(4)

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on these tricky — but common — toddler behaviors. Learn what to do when your toddler starts to hit the dog… or their sibling. Gain insight into how to handle a toddler who won’t get dressed, and what to do when your child simply won’t. stop. screaming. I also provide a few scripts for what to say to your toddler in these tough situations.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

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