The brain is the most complex and fascinating organ in the human body. There are so many parts working together to allow your preschooler to walk, talk, play, and feel.

The left side of the brain, for example, is responsible for speech and logical thinking. It’s literal and logical and loves order and organization.(3) When your preschooler is working on a puzzle, for example, it’s a great left brain exercise!(11)

The right side of the brain is responsible for spatial thinking, reading nonverbal cues, and processing emotions.(3,4) Rather than being detail-oriented like the left brain, it cares about the big picture. Think of it as the more emotional and experiential of the two hemispheres.(3) Playing a matching game with your child is a great right brain exercise!(11)

When children are very young, they’re right-hemisphere dominant, especially in their first three years of life.(3) Have you noticed how young children are so good at being focused in the present moment? They’re taken with the most ordinary things — the color of the fall leaves on the ground, a lady bug crawling on a bench, a tremendously smooth rock. Everything seems to delight and surprise them. Until, of course, a wave of very big emotions crashes over them and the tears or tantrums start.

When children become emotionally flooded, their right brains are working in overdrive.(3) Their more logical left brain isn’t working in sync with the right hemisphere.(3)

When the Right Brain is Working in Overdrive: Connect and Redirect(3)

If your child comes to you with big feelings — and they might seem illogical, ill-timed or blown out of proportion to you — rather than trying to “logic” them out of their tears and hurt, allow your child to “feel felt”. The concept of “Connect and Redirect” is from Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson’s book, The Whole Brain Child. Connect to your preschooler’s flooded right brain with empathy and loving support. The act of acknowledging your child’s big feelings is actually what will soothe them and steer the conversation toward more solid, logical ground.

So speak in a nurturing tone of voice. Offer comforting physical touch. And listen without judgment. This empathy will go a long way in restoring calm and helping your preschooler mover on with their day.

Connect and Redirect in Practice

We don’t want our children to be drowning in feelings all the time, but we also don’t want them living in an emotional desert. That’s why we care about integration, which is when all of the parts of the brain to work together in harmony.

Using the Connect and Redirect method, once you’ve connected to your child’s right brain, you can redirect the conversation with the more logical left brain.

For example:

If your preschooler is furious he can’t go to school barefoot, starting your response with the logical reply that going to school with shoes on keeps him safe will likely cause more outrage or protestation.

To adults, saying, “Put your shoes on now so you don’t step on something dangerous,” is very logical. But for your preschooler, this isn’t going to calm the storm.

Connect and Attune First.

Try saying something like, “You’re frustrated because you want to go to school barefoot!” This acknowledges their feelings — frustration — helping them feel seen and heard.

Often children are so frustrated with adults because they get told ‘no’ all the time. Their feelings get belittled or bulldozed on accident when we’re in a rush and trying to get out the door to get to school on time. But remember, time passes a lot more slowly for a preschooler. Slow down to truly connect.

Then Offer a Logical Explanation and Make a Plan Together.

Once your child is a bit calmer, they’re more primed to hear reason and logic. You could say something like, “Our house is a safe place to walk barefoot. When we get home from preschool today, would you like to walk around barefoot together?”

This offers up an explanation while also presenting a new plan without saying “No” outright.

Why Oh Why Is My Preschooler Constantly Asking “Why?”

A question for the ages! Toddlers and preschoolers are known for their incessant curiosity. And when “Why?” keeps on coming, you know their left brain is starting to ramp up. They’re looking for answers, they want to know about cause and effect relationships, and they want to understand the connections between things.(3) A whole day with your preschooler might feel exhausting to you because all they do is ask why, why, and WHY! And want to know more, more, more!

And not all of their questions will be polite! If you’re the parent of a preschooler, I’m sure you’ve been mortified by a question your child asked loudly in public.

Why Is My Preschooler Obsessed With Death?

Is your preschooler displaying (what you consider to be) an unusual amount of interest in death? It doesn’t mean they’re going to be interested in the macabre forever! This is actually a very normal part of preschooler development.

They won’t yet understand the 4 subconcepts of death(10):

Non-functionality — When you die, your body stops working.
Universality — All living things die.
Irreversibility — You can’t come back to life once you’re dead.
Inevitability — Death is unavoidable.

They’ll only understand the first. And while you may not want to confront your own mortality at 7 am on the way to school or in the checkout line at the grocery, this curiosity really is normal, especially at this age.(10)

So if your child does come to you asking about death, respond as simply and clearly as you can. You don’t need to go into detail, but try not to brush off their questions, even if they make you uncomfortable.(10)

What Are Some of the Negative Effects of Screen Time on Child Development?

Children age 8 and younger typically spend two hours a day (on average) looking at a screen.(6)

Most scientist and doctors will tell you that screen time alters children’s brains. Some argue that screens help prepare children’s brains for the fast paced, high stimulus world we live in.(6)

But screens give off a lot of information and visual input. And the faster the visual stimuli is moving and changing, the faster your brain has to work to keep up and process it.(6)

And when that screen is taken away, there’s some cognitive slowing that happens afterward.(6)

You know that look your child gets after they’ve watched cartoons or played on the iPad for a few hours? The daze that follows is the cognitive slowing that happens after overstimulation.(6)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends we not let children between the ages of 2 and 5 exceed one hour of screen time per day.(6) One study found that children who looked at screens for more than one hour per day had lower levels of white matter integrity in the brain.(6,7) White matter supports literacy skills and language development.(7)

The stimuli from screen time can be total sensory overload — all the colors and sounds and story lines can be a lot for a young child to try to process — causing stress hormones like cortisol to be released. The reward system also gets activated by screen time, flooding the brain with dopamine, getting children used to and seeking immediate gratification.(6)

As with anything, be mindful about how much screen time your preschooler is getting.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on your preschooler’s amazing cognitive development. We also talk about how to help your child remember their experiences and what to do if your preschooler talks incessantly or starts using their baby voice again.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

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