You’re tired of the fights at mealtime. You don’t feel good about serving plain pasta with butter for dinner again. But you also don’t want to argue every time you sit down to eat. You just want your child to eat a nutritious meal without all the theatrics and protests.

Mealtimes with young children can be incredibly frustrating. They have short attention spans, they reject the food you’re serving, and they won’t eat much (or at all, for that matter!)

Sound familiar?

Many parents go through difficult phases with their young children rejecting food. Could sensory differences be one reason why?

We all Have Foods we Like and Dislike

You may not like to hear it, but your child may process sensory information differently than you.(1) Food that is the right temperature for you might be too hot for them.(1) Or a dish that smells delicious to you may smell gross to them.(1) The same thing goes for texture. Your child might prefer hard, crunchy foods and loathe eating soft, squishy foods, or vice versa. And since food changes as we chew it --- oranges, for example, leak juice when we chew them --- sometimes children struggle with that.(1)

I’m sure you have foods you love and foods you hate. And I’m sure your preferences have changed over time! Maybe you used to loathe Brussels sprouts, but once you tried them with bacon, your mind changed. Or maybe you used to be unable to tolerate spicy foods, but now you love them. I promise, your child won’t only eat beige foods, forever.

Culture Plays a Huge Role in Feeding Practices

Feeding practices will undoubtedly vary from culture to culture, and you hold food-related beliefs whether you’re conscious of them or not. Some families have food restrictions due to religious affiliations. Others observe fasting rituals.(5) Culture plays a huge role in when and what we feed our families.(5)

French schools serve four courses at lunch, for example, even for young kids who start school at age three!(2) A school lunch in France will consist of a vegetable starter, a warm main course, usually with a side of veggies or grains, a cheese course, and a piece of fresh fruit for dessert.(2) Of course fresh baguette is also served --- no surprises there. Kids drink water with their meals --- no juice boxes or chocolate milks. French schools have a national ban on junk food and vending machines.(2) In Japan, students are typically served a meat or fish dish with rice, soup and a salad. American school lunches might be a slice of pizza or a sandwich.

Food is so deeply intertwined into culture that what you feed your children varies greatly depending on where you live.

But Here Are Some Tips You Can Try no Matter Where You Are in the World.

Do be patient with your child about trying new foods.

Research shows that it may take a dozen tries before children accept a new food.(4) Continue to offer foods your child has rejected in the past. Put the new, unfamiliar food on the table so they see you serving it to yourself and enjoying it. Over time, they’ll get used to seeing this food in your meal rotation, and they should be more likely to try it.

Don’t force your child to eat something they don’t want to eat.

It’s your job to prepare and provide healthy food for your child. It’s not your job to force them to eat it.

Do encourage your child to touch and taste new foods.

Once they’re comfortable with that, encourage them to chew and swallow it.

Don’t be discouraged by rejections.

You child isn’t rejecting you or your cooking, even though it may feel like that. Often it just takes children a while to warm up to a new food.

Do allow your child to help with meal prep and cooking from time to time.

Yes, it may take longer, and yes, it will probably require more clean up. But children are more likely to try a new food if they’re involved in the process. (1) Let them tear the lettuce to make the salad or put shredded carrots in a bowl, for example.(9)

Don’t force your child to eat when they aren’t hungry.

Children should learn to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.(5) If your child doesn’t want to eat their dinner, let them know they can eat at the next regular snack or meal time.(9) It might be counterintuitive to let your child have control over how much they’re eating, but it’s important they learn to recognize their bodily cues of being hungry or full.(9)

Do talk about the sensory experience of eating.

Use words like, “this food is crunchy,” or “this food is chewy.”(1) This lends language to your child’s experience and helps them understand what’s going on when they’re eating different foods.(1)

Don’t use food as a reward.

You can offer other kinds of rewards that don’t relate to food if you want to reinforce good behavior. Try offering an extra bedtime story or a play date with a friend instead of offering dessert as a reward. You don’t want to teach your children that veggies are a nasty punishment while sweets are given only when they’re good!(3)

Do stick to a schedule as best you can so your child knows when to expect to eat.

Whether or not you believe in snacking throughout the day is also largely based on culture --- French children rarely snack, for example, but that may be partially because they’re served such a large, nutritious lunch. American children may be used to grazing throughout the day or having one or two scheduled daily snacks.

Don’t allow your child to run or lie down while eating.

They should sit while they eat to reduce the risk of choking.

Do your best to fill half of your child’s plate with colorful fruits and veggies.

The other half should be split between protein and whole grains. (6) Whole grains can still spike blood sugar, so be mindful of how much bread, pizza or pasta you and your child are eating.(6)

Don’t worry if your preschooler’s appetite varies day to day.

Discuss any weight or dietary concerns with your child’s pediatrician. But it is common for preschoolers’ appetites to vary. Try to make sure they’re getting the nutrition they need across the entire week as opposed to worrying about every single meal.

A note on food refusal:

I know that food refusal is incredibly frustrating. It’s such a waste --- of your money, your time, not to mention the food itself. And food insecurity is a real issue many families face.

But if your child is refusing to eat at mealtimes, do your best to stay calm. Try not to engage in a power struggle. It’s your job to do your best to prepare and provide healthy food for your child. It’s not your job to force them to eat it. In general we want to avoid forcing a child to eat a food or ‘clean their plate’ before they leave the table.(5) This puts pressure on your child and makes mealtimes stressful.

Interested in Learning More?

Check out this podcast episode for more information on what and how to feed your preschooler! We also talk about what to do if your child won’t eat at preschool and whether it’s normal if they’re completely fixated on sweets.

Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!

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