If you have a toddler, you’ve witnessed firsthand how incredibly active they are and how fast they learn! So many amazing milestones are reached during the toddler years — from walking to talking to using their fingers to eat.
Toddlers can be larger than life. With their big feelings, bigger tantrums, and daily skill acquisition — you may be marveling at all the new things they’re learning and doing.
Every day is different with a toddler. And it’s in part because their brains are so incredibly malleable and developing at a wildly rapid pace.
So what’s going on inside that genius little mind of theirs?
How Does Your Toddler’s Brain Work?
You’ve probably heard that children’s brains have more neuroplasticity than adult brains. What’s neuroplasticity? The brain’s ability to change or rewire itself after experiences.(1)
Two-year-olds have twice as many synapses or connections between neurons than adults do. (2) Synapses are where neurons (or brain cells) communicate. The neural pathways that are used regularly become well-established, while the ones that aren’t are lost.
We either ‘use it or we lose it’.
What does this mean in practical terms?
Brain development is all about forming connections.(2) Your toddler’s brain is shaped by his or her experiences. So singing familiar songs, letting your toddler play, practice their skills, and engage with you and others is a vital part of their development.
This is why you’re encouraged to read to your toddler every single day. Even if you’re reading the same short books over and over again, you’re encouraging those neural pathways to strengthen.
A Critical Period in Brain Development
Children’s brains develop in what are called “critical periods”(2) and “sensitive periods” which are essentially windows of time in which their brain plasticity is maximized.(3) Critical periods happen between age 2 and 7 and again in adolescence.(2) During critical periods, synapses can form or strengthen more easily.
This is why it’s easier for children to learn things when they’re young, like learning to speak a foreign language.
The sensitive period for learning to speak a foreign language like a native speaker is from age 0 to 12.(4) Of course you can still learn to speak a new language after age 12. But it will be harder and require more effort because the critical and sensitive periods will have already closed.(4)
Over time, pruning occurs. The connections that don’t get used get discarded. As we age, our brain wiring becomes harder to change.(5) Just like the old adage says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It’s not impossible, but we tend to get stuck in our ways — quite literally.
Help Your Child Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and a Growth Mindset… Eventually
Your toddler is learning something new every single day — be it from you, another caregiver in her life, or just from the wide world she’s interacting with. Her brain is like a sponge, taking in new words, faces, and places. She’s learning to sing songs, identify pictures, and how her toys work. It can be quite surprising when your toddler shows off a new skill or says a new word she overheard!
And as a parent or caregiver, you are a tremendous resource, teacher, and model for desirable behavior.
Here are 3 ways you can help your toddler’s brain develop:
1. Name Feelings Together
Children learn emotional intelligence from the adults who model it for them. And naming feelings is hugely important in helping your child understand his or her emotional landscape and internal world.
Let’s say your child is struggling with jealousy over the birth of her baby sister. You could say, ‘Your new baby sister is getting a lot of attention from your dad and I. I bet that makes you feel a little jealous and maybe even sad.’ Naming and acknowledging your toddler’s feelings — even the more “negative” or “less-desirable” ones — can help her feel understood. It can also help her feel more receptive to being comforted when she’s upset.(5) Rather than brushing her feelings off as insignificant, you’re teaching her what it is she’s feeling. You’re letting her know it has a name.
It may also be helpful to share a time when you were a child and experienced similar emotions. This helps your toddler learn that these big feelings are okay to have and won’t last forever.
2. Praise Their Process
Did you know there’s a difference between praising outcome and praising effort?
Research shows that when you praise the process and effort a toddler is putting into a task rather than just the outcome of the task itself — your toddler is more likely to have a growth mindset five years down the line.(5)
Let’s say your toddler is playing with nesting cups. You could praise intelligence — ‘You did it! You’re so smart!’
You could swoop in when things get tough — not allowing them to work things out for themselves, even if they’re age appropriate — undermining your child’s independence and sense of competence.
Or you could praise the process — ‘You stuck with this even though it was tricky at times. I like how you kept trying.’
Praising process teaches your child that it’s okay to fail. And it’s okay to make mistakes. And it’s okay to try again. Maybe your toddler loves the responsibility of feeding the family cat. But sometimes, more of the cat’s kibble gets on the floor than in the bowl. You could offer praise by saying, ‘Scooping the cat food without spilling is tough! But I love how you’re trying.’
This type of praise not only has an impact on their developing brain but will help cultivate a growth mindset when they’re older.(5)
3. Study Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development
Toddlers are fascinating little beings. And Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development provides a great framework for understanding just that — how their brain is developing.
If you’re not familiar with it, Piaget’s Theory of Cognitive Development can be a very helpful tool. You’ll gain insight into how your child learns, processes, and engages with the world. When you understand things from their point of view, you can embrace the parenting journey with even wider arms.
According to Piaget’s Theory, toddlers are in the preoperational stage of development. There are 8 important features within this stage that I go over in detail on this podcast episode. I cover things like why the animated film Toy Story is such a hit with kids, whether imaginary friends are “normal” or cause for concern, and why your toddler will play next to her little friend, but struggles to actually engage with her.
Interested in Learning More?
Check out the podcast episode on toddler brain development! You’ll get a deeper look at the topics covered in this blog and much more. Tune in to gain insight into why your 3-year-old might be afraid of the bathtub drain or think her shoe is “mad at her.”
Equip yourself with knowledge and tools to help your child thrive. And be sure to subscribe to the Genius Little Minds podcast so you never miss an episode!
References
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-brain-plasticity-2794886
https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-ages-2-7-matter-so-much-brain-development
https://vachildcare.com/the-critical-vs-sensitive-periods-of-brain-development/
https://therapyworks.com/blog/language-development/home-tips/growth-mindset/
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting, John Gottman, Simon & Schuster.